Wild Roads, Quiet Whispers
Embracing the flow of life
After a ripe 4:43 am alarm and a morning spent scooping rice into Monks’ bowls, on a random street in Laos, I remember seeing the morning colours merge in the sky and I had only one thought: Yup. This is what it’s all for.
I called my grandma for her 81st birthday and she spent 25 minutes describing the new water pipe system in her apartment and I had the same thought: Yup. This is what it’s all for.
In August, I spent a few weeks in Sri Lanka, and spent the better half of that trip driving a Tuk Tuk 1000 miles across the island with my two friends. We circumvented wild monkeys and dogs, took our 8 horsepower engine up 2000 metres of elevation, rode through winding open roads on the cliffs of mountains while listening to Beyonce and for the first time in all of our adult lives, we did nothing but exist for 10 days straight.
There was a moment, somewhere in between Dambulla and Trincomalee, around the same time when I learned that rural Sri Lanka has functioning gas stations few and far between, when I looked out at the open road and I had no analysis to offer to the moment. It was how it was. This is the journey, the adventure, the way August 1st 2024 was meant to happen. It wasn’t particularly that things were perfect (the Tuk Tuk was running low on fuel and my Sinhala language skills were limited to hand gestures) - but I felt in total balance and acceptance with, for lack of a better word, the universe. This is how it feels to live a vibrant life - to be driving a tuk tuk on the other side of the road with your two friends who will one day be your kids’ aunts and they’ll one day tell the story about how mom dodged a wild grazing elephant on Highway A6 in Eastern Sri Lanka.
Life is a collection of moments: comforting, random, kind, and let me emphasize random once more. But wow, what a wonderful life we can have when we embrace the entropy and gifts and lessons in front of us. This has been the defining lesson of my last few months: stop resisting, start accepting, and allow for flourishing.
In my daily practice of soaking in the present, accepting all that arises, and learning to live in harmony with growth, I’ve grown to derive pleasure and purpose from the journey. Mundane moments, like serving people cookies in my living room, and grand moments, like seeing someone I’ve missed for the first time in too long, coordinate my deep appreciation for the journey. Pursuit and patience.
While I’m probably at the most confused (uncertain?) point in my life, I want to choose to appreciate all that is arising, as it is arising. In this attempt to embrace the flow of life, there have been three ideas I’ve found extraordinary meaningful:
Don’t make emotions out of emotions. As fear, love, happiness, sadness, anger, etc. arise, there’s no need to bring in shame, anxiety, embarrassment or other emotional amplifiers. Is my analysis making it worse or making it better? Is my consciousness a productive space or a judgemental and crowded one? I’ve found this practice of self-compassion incredibly rewarding and naturally healing. A lot of things solve themselves, just by creating a space for existence. What if this moment is fine as it is?
What’s my little voice saying? There’s a concept in 101 essays that will change the way you think called “the little voice” and it more-or-less describes gut feelings. I’ve really loved this term these last few months as a tool to reconnect with the quiet whispers inside of me. The outside world and often my own head can be a really loud, chaotic, and opinionated place; the little voice can shrink. But as I’ve started to label my little voice and pay attention, I’ve been able to make more honest decisions, and I feel like there’s a renewed sense of hope, respect and optimism inside me. She has hopes and dreams worth honouring <3
What if I allowed space for magic? Magic is my favourite word lately, it gives me a lot of joy and permission to be patient. Sometimes in life I feel a real urge and rush to get things going, but with a bit of a belief in magic, I find courage to slow down: let things take their course, and to not settle for what is proximal or convenient. Good things come to those who wait. If it feels forced, it probably is. Magic feels smooth, effortless and fluid. There’s also something magnetic about believing in magic: all of a sudden, I start to see little bits of joy, light, opportunity, love, warmth and grace everywhere. The magic of the sun. The magic of coincidence. The magic of nourishing food. Maybe this seems like fairy-tale-like optimism, but it has been a nice way to exist: accept everything in its own place, with low expectations but high gratitude otherwise.
Recently I have been drawn to the lyrics in So Long, Honey by Caamp:
Be good to your mothers
Oh, they did the best they could
And bleed for your brothers
'Cause Lord knows that they would
I like the words good and bleed. Most people are trying their best from their little corner of the world, and especially our superiors. Be good: pay it back, pay it forward. And bleed: serve your people, take care of the village, and be empowering.
It’s easier to embrace the flow of life when you’re showing up and serving the people who have and who would do the same for you. This is what it’s all for.
{After spending 3 months in Asia, and the last month between California and North Carolina, I’m getting all my ducks in a row for this next chapter. I’m grappling with a lot of choices and decisions, but keeping my personal beliefs of optimism, magic, and community as an anchor through it all. How I love being alive <3}
Readings lately: Wait But Why - How to pick a life partner, Bianca Bosker - Cork Dork (pleasure read), Will Guidara - Unreasonable Hospitality
Interests lately: polyethylene, offshore wind, French Guyana, Sao Paulo’s port infrastructure, rare earth metal mining, nitrogen supply chains, and the inquiry question: what makes a good mother?
Re: your thoughts on Magic, and slowing down... "Slow is smooth, smooth is fast." Navy Seals motto.
Love, love love. It's inspiring that you not only write this but truly live it (I had the pleasure of watching it for 3 months) 💞